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koob 3

February 6, 2019

2/5/19

"koob 3"

 

When you are someone who comes from a fortunate and familiar family, life can seem simple. Being thankful is an understatement to things that have been provided. No matter how rich or poor we claim to be, an obstacle can always be thrown our way without notice or preparation. 

While moments in time may seem to be hard and cause intense pain, there is always someone, unknown, that is suffering through more than we can comprehend. Thinking of others should not be an understatement and something to always remember. "You have not lived in someones life till you have walked a mile in their shoes." 

Being someone who deals with "unbearable" depression; can face these moments at any time. Everyone and everything around do not understand. They have never felt the pain I am enduring. They do not understand. But you know what? They never will. Until they go through the suffering and insecure feelings that constantly haunt our lives. That is something that should not be a goal to achieve. It is a feeling that is not wished on anyone. If you are happy..most of the time..you are lucky. You are blessed and loved and can see that. We can not. So be thankful for that and have compassion for the ones who are unable to have those constant moments of joy and love. 

 

I sit here. Writing and thinking to myself. Supposedly alone in my room. But secretly happy. 

As Brandy and Chelsea create an adult life of working every day and obtaining a life goal to grow up; I sit here okay. Creativity and loneliness collide together while I spend these seconds by myself. My mind is able to expand and grow with "fairytale" ideas. And what has come out of that? Magic I would like to call it. 

 

After moving around California and residing in many different environments, I can say I am finally content. Happiness may not be 100% achieved but the journey is not over. 

 

The rain has finally stopped. The sidewalks and streets will be filled again soon. Sunshine has come out and the blue sky has appeared. A feeling of relief and loneliness slowly has subsided.  Things can always change, with our prediction or not. 

 

 

 

This morning felt like every other. The light slowly crept through the crack in my curtain and Taco was ready to awake. The sound of my alarm startled him, giving me the encouragement to get up. The feeling of being safe lies beneath me. My blankets wrapped around. Different pillows protecting my head. An environment no one could invade. Some mornings seem impossible to arise. 

 

I force my body to get up. I remember my obligations of the day. I remind myself that I have to do better. I can do this. 

 

Lazily, my feet and legs step down each stair. Every movement feeling heavier than the next. But knowing I have to continue forward. I must stay on this path. I must be rational. 

The kitchen is familiar and is a reminder of the routine. The refrigerator is opened, keeping silence, as I can not be too loud. The eggs, cheese, bread and orange juice is in plain site. Ready to be scrambled and drank.  Ready for their routine. Every morning, this tastes so wonderful though. 

The day is new and ready for me to conquer. I am ready for someone to discover my hidden talents. But this day is like any other. But.. how can I make it wonderful? How can I make it amazing? How can I show the magic each of us has to show? That is when I decide to just stay calm. Everything should stay in order and the tasks and obligations put before me need to be completed. Why can't things be twisted?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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